Book of MCPublic

Chapter 1: Fall into Dirtness

MCPublic 1:3

[1] And lo, as the P admin sought to Edit the World around him, a mischievous Finger did alter the selection region; [2] which would not have been a big deal, except that it was over 50x500x800 in size, which is at least 200 more than it should be. [3] And thus the command was uttered, and the world was enveloped in dirtness; [4] and the Finger did laugh, for this was surely for the lulz. [5] In an instant, great settlements of civilizations past were removed from the earth, from a force incomprehensible to a common player. [6] Even the great Tower of Tolgar was vanished in the blink of an eye, causing a great deal of butthurt, [7] and causing others to wonder if he was mad bro.

[8] Then the many did come and see and wonder what kind of scherererer would do this [9] and the evil Skuld appeared from behind the crowd [10] He wielding his wooden spade and ruddy skin [7] And undid with /undo all that schererererererrrr hath doneth upon thee. [11] Yet this was no ordinary /undo - a cleansing of the land, a reversion to its virgin state. [12] The signs of previous civilization were thus erased; the land born anew.

[13] And the Lord Skuld said, "Heed now, the warning of your elders, the great wrath that shall be wraught if the World be Edited without proper use of your Fingers."

Chapter 2: Rise of Melonism

And yea, though the server was powerful, the fury of the mighty melon was too much to control, and thus, the server did fall.

Chapter 3: The Molon Plague

[6] And thus as the quality of builds rose on PvE, so did the quality of builds ebb on Creative, much like the ebb and flow of that one river near S spawn that everyone keeps building shit cobble huts next to. [7] When encountering a Creative player, the PvE players cried "Woe be unto the Creative player who knows not the value of hard-earned materials;" [8] when encountering a PvE player, the Creative players cried "Woe be unto the PvE players, who haven't logged onto Creative lately and checked out the neat warps, and don't have to put up with nonsense in chat."

[9] This displeased the Minecraft gods, who felt the PvE players had grown isolated from the Derp that is an essential part of the game. [10] And thus, while he was sleeping, the disciple Ooer was visited by the spirits of Notch. [11] Ooer was frightened, for though he was used to being a creeper, he was startled to find someone creeping him. [12] The spirits said, "Fear not! TL;DR molon," and quickly spirited away. [13] Ooer was confused, but did as he was told, and made a post introducing the concept of molons.

[14] Soon, the molon had spread throughout PvE, far and wide, much as the locusts spread to devour fresh crops. [15] The land formerly known for quality Minecraft constructions was suddenly blighted with melon Derp, spreading even to the gates of the Nether. [16] The PvEers began to worship the Derp, constructing a false prophet in the Molon Lord, [17] and building a false temple to house him, in the form of Molon Junction, the derpiest build ever on PvE. [18] This was not enough to satisfy PvE's Derp desires, and soon they spread their false religion to Creative, [19] even stooping so low as to build the image of their false god mere hours after a creative reset. [20] Seeing this, the creative players cried "Woe be unto the PvE player who knows not the value of hard-earned materials." [21] And lo, did the Minecraft gods chortle, watching the PvEers learn that [22] those who seek to avoid derp are doomed to build it.

Chapter 4: The Wrath of 5K

[1] One night in the cold depths of April, thy wonderous moderator Ooer was happily sleeping and dreaming about molons, [2] when suddenly the spirits of Notch, Herobrine and Conan O'Brien came to him in his dream, [2] and proclaimed, "Fear not, O wonderous Ooer." Ooer feared the spirits, but they comforted him, saying, [3] "Ooer, it is us, the great three spirits of Minecraft. You must do as we proclaim, for it will be funny." So Ooer listened to the spirits.

[4] "Gather yourself and your fellow moderators and create a difficult obstacle course, [5] but make it incredibly hard and incredibly rage-inducing. Make the course five kilometres long, [6] or in 'Murica, slightly over three miles. Gather your players [7] and put them at the start, and make them complete the obstacle course."

[8] Ooer was pleased with the spirits' proclamation. The spirits left him, and morning came. Ooer discussed the idea with the moderators, and they were pleased. [9] Construction began and finished, and the event was hosted.

[10] Within ten minutes, players of all kinds began to scream in rage as they plummeted into lava, stumbled into the endless fall of hopelessness and hugged cactuses, [11] and all who competed were angered. [12] Only the bravest and holiest followers of Molonism had the courage to push on. [13] By the time the revision had come to an end, 100 brave souls had completed 5K, while the other 692 ragequit. [14] And all who completed were blessed by Ooer with molons.