Bestof

Unreasonable requests

• (you can also paste imgur links here as well)
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

[Creative] #3369 (open -> closed) Jun.27@05:06:11 by emilu - I need you to make love with you and then i wanna touch ur balls (cmdrtebok - Jun.27@06:39:53)

[Survival] #108 Jun.9@23.57.18 by gsand flow this water

Ban Appeals

The appeal process

---

Kray_eric

you think 48 hours of life grows on trees?

What would you recommend I do to pass the time? My friends are all out with their girlfriends for valentines, I am here to play Minecraft, I wanted to play on your awesome servers, with not so awesome (at least cyote) moderators.

I am just trapped in this loop of hormones released by my frustration with CYOTI911.

LibSys

I see. Alright, so I've been reading through other ban appeals and I'm certain I know what happened. When I spawned in the PvP server, I was wondering around to see what was up. I noticed the spawn was protected, and I couldn't do stuff there. Then a few people killed me near spawn, so I wandered out a bit further. Eventually I found buildings and stuff that had holes punched in them and stairs built to scale walls. I figured this was PvP, build fortress near spawn to keep your stuff, try to fend off other players, and attack the new people as they enter the world. I then wandered around trying to gather wood for tools, and other resources I'd need to survive. As there were no trees in sight, I assumed that the random structures placed about were an ideal source of lumber!

I now see that breaking into other's homes is only to be done in an attempt to murder them while they craft, and not to steal their yummy resources, and any entry method you take must be undone upon completion of your killing spree. In the future I shall leave other's home unscathed, unless they attempt to flee and hide so they don't get tree-punched to death! And even then, any damage done needs to be undone!

A side note: I could not find any tree's that were punchable near the spawn, yet I still required food before I ventured out. I noticed that destroying plants without replanting counts as griefing. How can one re-till the near=by gardens without a hoe-thingy, which requires lumber? Anyway, this isn't even the main issue. I'm sorry I stole stuff from other's homes, and I promise I won't do it again!

tldr; I'm sorry I griefed people's stuff, I won't do it again!

-Libsys

---

Hi, I'm William Turton...

Hi, I'm William Turton. You might recognize me from shows such as "You Are Now Blinking and Breathing Manually", "I Never Realised That My Jaw Has Weight!", "Why Can't my Tongue Find A Comfortable Place In My Mouth?" and "Dig Your Own Grave and Save!"

I have been banned from the nerd.nu servers for "caps,son".

In my ban appeal, I would like to go over the following issues:

1. What is "caps,son"? Is totemo secretly my father and trying to tell me this information via ban reason? If this is true, I think this is very rude and would like to meet with him in real life, not in a internet father-son relationship sorta thing.

2.Is the ",son" part of the ban reason, a way of saying "Ha, I banned you,SON!" I.E a way to "fry" or "burn" me.

3. A suspicious conversation totemo and I had recently. It went something this:

In a recent conversation with totemo and I we were discussing the logistics of trading currency for interpretative dance lessons when all of a sudden he changes the topic and says:

"I need...I need bout tree fiddy."

It was at this point that I realized my totemo was a three story high crustacean from the paleolithic era.

"Goddamn you, totemo monster, I ain't giving you no tree fiddy!" I yelled as she swam out into the sunset.

This concerns me, and needs to be addressed.

In all seriousness, I went a little too far in chat today. Using caps, making troll modreq's and generally being annoying in chat was too far.I've been here for awhile, I know the rules, yet I choose to break them. Sorry.I promise this will not happen again, sorry to any moderator's time I wasted.

With Love, ~williamturton

---

Poor Tharine...

Hello, My name is Sabian as hinted by my username, I am an avid player of minecraft and an addict to reddit. Although I had played Minecraft for a very long time, I had never approached multiplayer, well only on a private two player server with my friend, and so I decided I would give it a try, but I found myself asking where can I go? how do I find a good server? so I ended up finding the reddit server page, a combination of my favorite things, so I logged on to minecraft and entered the very simple and easy to remember server IP: s.nerd.nu.

I entered the world and was amazed by the structures, only to be beaten to death mere moments later... so I entered a new IP: p.nerd.nu and when I joined I was welcomed by fantastic structures and a friendly community with towns and plots of land, I was amazed! "so this is what multiplayer is like! " I thought to myself as I sprinted down a large path, after a tense few minutes of sneaking past creepers and dodging arrows, the sun finally rose and I found that I had stumbled onto my new homestead: the rock face.

Now, building into the side of a cliff had been an idea I had been toying around with for a while in single player but never put into action, so I thought "why not try it now? in my first reddit multiplayer server!" and so I built and built and punched and chopped and dug until I had a cosy little hole in the side of a cliff overlooking a lake in the swamp, with the towering structures built by other redditors giving off ominous and warming glows on the horizon.

After spending a few days digging for minerals I found myself with a problem: Hunger I was VERY hungry and the melons given to me at the start of my journey were all but fond memories and gurgling juices inside my characters blocky stomach. so I headed for the nearest city with a quick pace too, I only had one pie left of hunger. Once I had reached the city I spotted the public wheat farm, PERFECT! I thought to myself, I began to take pieces of the public given wheat and was feeling happy with the feeling of safety that I wouldn't die, until suddenly I heard that all too familiar wet slap sound that signified my health dropping... quickly... I needed to find a crafting table and fast, Or I was going to starve to death, now I realize that the sign did say to replant the wheat, but I was outta time, I needed to act quick, so I ran into the nearest house and began to create bread using the crafting table.

I managed to eat enough, just in time too, and as I left, I was attacked! by mobs non the less! zombies! creepers! skeletons! and those dastardly spiders from every direction! so I ran like the minecraft wind back to my blocky abode in the cliff face. Once I reached my house In safety I decided that was enough for the day, so I left the server.

This is my story and I do not fully understand my ban, but I would like to be able to rejoin this popular, friendly, and fun server.

Regards,

SabianGalaxy.

- Tharine: Your ban was for griefing on Survival, not PvE.

---

MGEO81

[1] I'm sorry, I got drunk and things have been rough with my girlfriend. While drunk myself, she drunk dialed me, and I was still playing MC. Wandering around the underground caverns I stopped and saw a mineshaft, the shaft led to this underground residence. She told me she loved me but was seeing someone else, some guy with a damn basement apartment... and there it was, a basement apartment... My drunk anger got the best of me and I somehow assumed this was a perfect recreation of this mystery man's apartment... I was angry, I had a diamond pickaxe and now, I'm sorry. I will pay the owner some sort of retribution if needed... either way... I'm done with her, and basement apartment bashing. Sorry, I actually like this server, and I dunno why I'd do something to destroy the things I love, but then again, that's how all my relationships work out... --Matt (MGEO81)

---

<benbob555> sorry i was only trying to make a house out of tnt

---

<storm1089> Been reading thru ban appeals and u guys are way to abusive of mod powers u ban left and right without warning or care. These are HUMANS and are not perfect and further more some can't view the rules like ME its blocked by my fathers protection crap. Get a life some spine and grow up. Fuck u.

---

<littlebigsonic1> I was banned for Avo signs and trying to TNT Eustis' Party basement. I was acctually trying to write Avo Sucks but I was banned before I finished the O. And as for the TNT I didnt know the item numbers and I accidentally gave myself TNT and while I was trying to write the sign I placed accidentaly place a TNT block and I tried to destroy it but I must've set it off. Sorry for any damage I caused and thanks for looking at my appeal.
<Skuld> We were trying to ban someone else, but didn't get to finish typing their name and then accidentally hit the enter key when trying to hit backspace.

---

<mastercheese300> :( i've never griefed a thing NEVER look in the server logs or something i never touched anything that was built. now i'm crying :~( your being mean, i've never griefed. wahh . please be nice. i was wrong for thinking that avo was funny. please, im so sorry for liking them. i was wrong, please i haven't ever griefed and i wont ever grief.please just give me a chance.. im sorry. i wont ever like griefers again , please,please,please,just give me a chance
<Skuld> No.
later that day...
<mastercheese300> i joined the server for the first time then like 5 minutes later i was banned, i rejoined later and asked why i was banned, banned, then i logged in again later, asked why i was banned, banned,reason you know why. what does that mean.??? now im perm banned ,or week or somthing, please help... screw it ill be honest i was associating with the avo people , i suggested a grief last night. i am very sorry i am no longer going to be associating with them i will unsubscribe on youtube to them, please forgive me. Im sorry please don't keep me banned, i love your server, im sorry
<Eustis> No.

---

<palchakowai> My account was hijacked by someone I naively trusted.
<howdiddlydoo> (standard account responsibility response)
<palchakowai> Alright. That is fair, I just wont be able to play on your server ever again. Cool.
<palchakowai> Or even once, since that bastard got me banned.
<palchakowai> how do i delete this account on this site
<palchakowai> i dont need it anymore
<palchakowai> wow who coded this crap.......................................i cant delet enayhting
<palchakowai> i almost have as many posts as you, "dude".
<palchakowai> shits cool in that sense, but seriosouly, whow hwo jrksjf aS?DFas
<palchakowai> reddit is a zionist plot to fuck the gentile goyim in the ass by decreasing their level of intelligence through memes and hivemind bullshit
<palchakowai> la la la la lala
<palchakowai> omg my compute rmust hav ea virus hwo is doing hits
<palchakowai> stop it it si yytping by itself
<palchakowai> this is nto good

---

<CaptHyatt> Ok, so here is what happened. The house I "griefed" was my friends, and it was purely out of humor, though some aggression. What happened in RL was that I was told that my friends wouldn't be using my article in our school's newspaper. About 3 months ago, I was in a car wreck that nearly killed me, and after that wreck, I changed how I acted on a daily basis. And I wrote that thought process down and asked if they would use it, and they agreed. Well, two days ago I was told they wouldn't be using it, but instead giving it's space to some stupid kid's game reviews, which took up three pages, all because he was the principal's son. This, of course made me EXTREMELY angry, and I though that the only was I could make myself feel better was wrecking a slight bit of their house. Yes, I know it wasn't exactly the best way to deal with the situation, and that survival on reddit PvP is extremely hard, but I do believe what I did was wrong, and my ban was right... But I just wanted to throw this into consideration and maybe change it.
<Pilot> I stopped reading after the first sentence.

---

<NightSnake> I was in the survival map, and was banned for speed walking I was no using any hacks other that moving my clock forward an hour to get to my home faster. Please let me back outside this bedrock cage, is worse that death.

---

<MrPBolton> Zealotry is for fools. Those blocks were unused and would have remained so. You are an actual shit. An actual one. I bet you have hairy toes. Fucking toe gremlin. I hope you get hit by a bus, you hairy gremlin bastard. I shit on you. I shit on your server. I hope Mary and her green kimono rape you. I hope you get tangled in chicken wire and then die. Your server was shit anyway, its got nothing on Minecraftworlds. We are heroes over there. Unlike on this shitty server you wanktards. I think about you fucknuggets, you are a wankstain on society's bedsheets. God save you all you major winnit clumps. No wonder girls think you are a gimp. You'll be alone forever, I hope you're happy with your hand you filthy sweat stained arsehole. YOU ARE DIIIIIIIIIIIIIRTY. Fuck the lot of ye. Lots of love the Bolly. ps. Jamie did nothing
<BHRossman> I am very sorry you let a game get you so worked up, Jamie did what he did and will have to appeal for himself. Have a good day.
<MrPBolton>You are a poo. And you will stay that way. Forever. Make an effort in your next comeback cockslime. Bolly out.

---

<thesp0rk> Sorry about griefing the party basement. I was caught up in a fury of temptation, lust and minecraft

---

<karlenok> can i be unbanned soon for me and my friend suld build a statye and we just gonna start it so i filled shes house white obsidian for we wanted to have the statye tere then i get banned :( it's c.nerd.nu i am banned on and i need to play on my friends accaount and there have i build a big castle can some1 mod come and look for i don't have doing something wrong
<MBoffin> http://www.rosettastone.com/learn-english

---

<Cedarblood> I was on earlier then i try to log on and it said banned obsidian griefing i didnt grief at all
<Pilot> You covered a floor in obsidian, give me 5 and I can upload a screenshot; in the meantime, how about the truth?
<Cedarblood> go on then
<therealduckie> "go on then"? Really, you're going to ignore his request for you to explain yourself TRUTHFULLY, and you respond with asking him to basically "hurry up"? How about answering him?
<Cedarblood> ok i didnt place any obsidian
<therealduckie> So when he posts the screenshots, which show proof you did, what will be your answer? Believe me, honesty goes a lot further with us. Lying makes things worse.
<Pilot> yes you did. (screenshots showing the room filled with obsidian, with his name in the logs) month ban.
<Cedarblood> show me the whole room please.
<Eustis> He doesn't have to. You've been proven wrong and a liar.
<Cedarblood> no show the room then i can tell you if i did or not

---

<mastrehalo> unban me because im a revolutionary anarchist with a kind soul and good intentions.

---

<D_Ricks> It said i was unbanned but you lied i still can get on
<Skuld> My elaborate lie was finally exposed!

---

<miningtrees> Hello, i took a shit this morning and reddit and mcbans came out i wasent suprised.
(repeat 10 times)
<Skuld> I recommend a change in diet. I prescribe a permanent ban.

---

<DesolateChris> Hello, I was randomly banned FOR NO REASON!!!!! I was wondering around the server with 5 tnt before, and i came accross some guy who was working hardon his mansion (about 3 stories high) so i placed all my tnt on all the levels and set it off... He got mad and called an admin and i got banned! Why was i banned for such a pointless reason? I thought tnt was allowed :(

---

<UnsuallyDarkSkinned> What is going on? I was banned for "not giving AVO their ice-cream" I wasn't even on when this happened. My step father deleted the Minecraft application without my knowing because my grades are "suffering" in his opinion. (I HAVE A 4.0) -_-" Also if i ever greifed it was my sisters' cousins' mothers' mentally retarded schizophrenic half son (Named Timmy) who is 17 years old and has the intellect of a 9 year old that would have done it. I expressly told him to never go on multiplayer, but then he did while simultaneously watching a laser light show on youtube. He went crazy. Have you ever seen a schizophrenic person after a rave?!?!?! NO! Its chaos. (the sight would make you cry) Then the server burnt down and i was hit in the back of my head with a vintage baseball bat(signed by Micky Mantle), by non-other than Timmy. i was unconscious for around 3,141,596 seconds and in my unconscious i realized how to dougie. I cant remember anything else. My story is complicated i know but,its not that hard to believe right? Can you please believe me? And unban me?PWEEZ

---

<NEVER_GIVE_UP123> I used fly mod to get out of a hole and pilot banned me i said the i was stuck in a hole but no he banned me u need to get some better admins because pilot is a !@#$@@ E@#R$T Y%$#@ER$%YU ^&%TREW R^&YU^%$# @#$%^ &^%$#@ he has no life because he just banns people just because he dont like them and he was useing fly mod aswell and he made a smart ass comment aswell sayn (DONT USE FLY MOD U FUCKING CUNT) And thats offenceive i could take him to court but his only like 12 years old GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
<travismaybe> I'm sure the logs will confirm everything you've said and you've been very articulate in your response, but I see no appeal and even so, Pilot would have to weigh in on it. We'll wait for him.
<Pilot> (Screenshot showing blatant fly hacking, logs showing homophobia and fly mod commands) I think you need to find a new server, an attitude adjustment and a new pair of non-burning pants.
<NEVER_GIVE_UP123> Well then u need to be more considorit because fly mod is awsome and i only typed //up 50 to see if it worked because i saw it on a youtube video umm and does this pic proove that i was flying no so......

I NEED A BREAK and i only said bitch because pilot said that it wasnt my building and it was it mine and skullboy's skyscraper MY youtube is hur0004 i make good vids and by the way ur VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY IN INCONSIDERATE TO EVREONE u see people saying oo there is a fucking griefing cunt on this server they dont get banned but i get banned for saying bitch and using fly mod for 10 secs WTF dude ive seen pilot being an asshole soooo.............FUCK YOU CHEAP CUNTS GO FUCK YOUR SELF AND FUCK UR PARENTS AND YOUR GENERATION CUNTS FUCK YOU
<trevor> Yeah. Perm banned. Bye.

---

<tytypoole> i was trying to build a giant sword and i guess the admin took it the wrong way and thought it looke like a weeny

---

<Ooer> Just had a quick look through the logs, you joined the server,a sked what the banned items were, then proceeded to attempt to place fire, lava, water, mob spawners, wooden boats, bedrock and then thousands of snowballs. You repeatedly used all caps after being warned by several mods. You were banned by pilot, so you will have to wait for him to reply. Thank you.
<cadyns> SHUTUP OOER U KNOW NOTHING

---

<IamKurtCobain> IamKurtCobain is apparently a victim of a recent ban on s.nerd.nu. As his advocate, he seemed to be getting along quite well with everyone and not behaving as poorly as usual. He says he thought things were turning around for him, having recently crafted a full set of tools for once and breaking ground on his own town.

While Kurt is frequently accused of trolling, he remains a valuable asset to the reddit Public survival server. Sure, he does frequently note his continuing battle with substances such as redstone dust, sugar, and string. He may speak too frequently and with varying degrees of coherence, but I for one, would like to see him reinstated with full access to his beloved sheep.

Thank you.

---

<Team_aVo_FTW> THEY ARE SUPER AWESOME AND IF YOU THINK THE SAME THEN WE SHALL GRIEF THE SHIT OUT OF THESE SERVERS!!! YEAH
<Yetanotherx> And if we don't think the same?
<Team_avo_FTW> THEN YOU ARE FUCKING ENTITLED TO YOUR OWN OPINION!!!

---

<bicicles> I REQUEST AN UNBAN
<bicycles> UNDER THE LAWS OF PARLEY
<therealduckie> It's parlay.
<bicycles> i thought it was parley, i searched it on google and everything

---

<mondoman712> I found a large glass cylinder and wanted to see inside but the only way in was to break some glass, sorry

---

<craztspazman> Anyway, I was on the survival server i believe. yes, i knew u weren't allowed to fly, but I did. Then, the mod said i was speed hacking.Nope. Its called flying, and setting speed boost to 10%. I don't mind that much that I'm banned, just don't call me a liar. that's something I will not stand for.
<Yetanotherx> "setting speed boost to 10%" ... speedhacking. As a side note, most flymods include speedhacks too.
<craztspazman> well, i bought the game, i can do what i want with it. Every other server iIve been on allows any mods. Except this one. Unban me if you want, makes no difference to me; i have a life, i don't freak out over someone flying in a game. And again, don't call me a liar.
<wickedcoolsteve> It's not that we have some sort of irrational prejudice against certain modifications to the game. The problem is that speedhacking and flying give you an unfair advantage over other players and also consume many times the server resources of a non-modified player. And Yetanotherx wasn't calling you a liar, he was simply pointing out that setting your speed to be boosted is the very definition of speedhacking.
<trevorman> You're playing on our server for free which means you have to follow our rules and that includes not having any hacks. A flyhack which makes you go 10% faster is also a speedhack. You don't appear to want to be unbanned so closing this ban appeal.

---

<Benjamaniac> Hello, i was playing on s.nerd.nu and a guy walked up behind me and killed me. I dropped my pile of sticks and said 'FAG' because the definition of fag is a pile of sticks. In no way do i mean to use this in a homophobic term. I hope you rethink your decision.

---

<Jake8855> Ok, so let me explain the whole thing over:

Me, and my friend called "Lombar", are ops on a random server. The server provider told us, no FORCED us, to go to this server "c.nerd.nu", grief a house, make pictures and then send the pictures to his e-mail. If we succeeded, we should still have acces to his server, with op-status. If we didn't, he would have de-opped us and then ban us from his server.

We HAVE read the rules again, and we are both sorry for doing this.

---

<MachTig> I have no reason at all why i was banned for griefing , all i was trying to do was redesign a flag for my buddy whos Mac has been stolen.

---

What is this I don't even
<ZyconX> I got banned for telling a mod (Justin_bieber) to gtfo and get a life
<Ludeman84> You were banned by trevorman for griefing, not a teenage heartthrob - please wait for trevorman to deal with your appeal, thanks.

---

<Aceboy91> Hi im Aceboy91, i have been banned from nerd servers because someone thought i was writing AVO but i was really writing BRAVO ACEBOY91 i just dont know how to to a b because it will look like a 8 and ive never done a R in minecraft so i started with AVO. if you would please get me unbanned i will not do any words that has to do with what ever AVO means Editor's note: No, not #323.

---

<Krystl> i made a nazi sign by accident.
<fazaden> By accident, huh? Guess i'll have to permaban you by accident as well.

---

<zunky12> sry afew things to say 1 i did grief every person i no was banned its fukin crative 2 the srver is shit its comeplt bull shit 3 every admins is a dick part from weiz so idc if i stay banned u truly r a cunt sncerly zunky12 ps fuck of nd stop sukin balls

---

<luckruns0ut> ICanHasGrief Will return if this account is not unbanned. We gave you a choice. We told you that the server will be re-targetted. This is your final warning ;D. Unban this account now, and everything will continue as normal. If it shall remain banned... you know what happens ;) This is in no way a threat, just a little guidance from us ^^
<Ludeman84> Cute.

---

<thesycoticgamer> FUCK YOU MODS! Not my friend mods but the fucking rest!!! Right now i dont care about playing your fucking grounds. It took me MY TIME to make MY FUCKING HOTEL, not YOUR TIME, MINE!!!!!!! Sorry my friend mods but FUCK. MY time was just wasted , FUCK YOU. BAN ME? THATS FINE, CUZ GUESS WHAT???? YUPPPP!!!! FUCK YOU!!!! CANT SAY IT ENOUGH!!! FUCK FUCK FCUK YOU!!!!!!!! WHIT A FUCKING SSSTUDDER!!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!! ILL ASK TO BE UNBANNED WHEN I GIVE A SHIT1 DO I NOW???? HMMMMMMM...... NOPE! FICK YOU! AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU THAT MIGHT BE READING THIS...... OH YEAH...... FUCK, YOU! F.U.C.K. Y.O.U.! YOU DONT CARE SO JUST FUCK IT. AND FUCK YOU TOO! MY TIME ON THAT PLACE!!!! NOT YOURS!!!!! But why the fuck rant about it? You dont give a shit. So heres to another fucking fuck you to all THE FUCKING BULLSHIT FUCKING MODS.

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!
<AlcoJew> Well okay then.

---

<Thornshadow17432> Hello, apparently I was banned for reason 'lag machine'. I was not griefing or breaking any rules that I read about. As for 'lag machine', I can gladly inform you that I run Win7 64 bit with an i7 2.2GHz processor and 6 gigs of memory, and wouldn't have a lagging problem on my machine on my end of the equation. I politely ask you to unban me as I'm pretty sure I did nothing wrong. (If I did do something wrong, kindly unban me and I promise I won't do it again. :) ) Thanks
<Ludeman84> You built a redstone machine whose only apparently purpose was to run forever and lag the server (not your own computer >.>). Please read nerd.nu/rules, and reply to this thread stating that you have done so.

---

Hey moderators! A year or two ago I was banned on the creative server for building a giant penis. I don't really know how to ask but; could you unban me? Like I love the reddit server but I also like building giant cocks and I think that I can reserve that activity for other servers. If you consider unbanning me I assure you I can contribute more than giant scrotums to your servers. Thanks!

---

"But Water_Flames, what big font sizes you have", said Barlimore.

McPublic Subreddit Quotes

SwitchView Made a post about how the chunks would now only allow for 20 villagers instead of the previous 50 and got this in response by kb2zuz

IRC Quotes

A productive day in #RedditMC
<nolanater5711> o/ 
<coolgamer> \o 
<nolanater5711> \o/ 
<Lord_Munkee>  /o/  
<coolgamer> \o\ 
<gsand> \ó/ 
<nolanater5711>  /o\ 
<Lord_Munkee>  /o¬ 
<coolgamer> >_< 
<Lord_Munkee> ^o/ 
<coolgamer> ^.- 
<nolanater5711> ( '_')/(*,_,) 

* gsand pushes all of muldoonaz buttons, as if he was a coin operated vending machine
* muldoonaz falls asleep
<gsand> it's super effective!

<Skuld> http://i.imgur.com/3MvKc.jpg world's most awesome base

<trevorman> Eustis: You're coffeebitch now
<Eustis> Well, can I be donut bitch too?
<Delusion> I could use a doughnut bitch.
<Eustis> So I can lie to you about donut prices and steal some of your money and buy some for myself
<Eustis> :>
<Eustis> and get fat
<Eustis> and die forever alone
<Eustis> :'(
<Eustis> but it's okay
<Eustis> because i have donuts
<Eustis> and you can fuck donuts
<Eustis> right guys?
<Eustis> guys?

<cmdrtebok> I require aussies

<cmdrtebok> excuse me, cat bellies are going un pet
<cmdrtebok> i demand bellys
<cmdrtebok> not optional
<cmdrtebok> my guys often roll over on their own, but sometimes I have to explain to them that they are in possession of cat bellies which belong to me

<bep> i love it on motorway signs
<bep> when it's actually titled
<bep> "THE WEST"
<bep> or "THE NORTH"
<bep> as if they're scary places Londoners should never go
<Ooer> it says THE SOUTH up here
* Skuld shudders
<bep> "Mum, what's that sign say?"
<Ooer> scary places northerners should never go
<bep> "Nothing, James Huxtable. Eat your cheerios and never venture outside the M25. Savages!."

<MBoffin> <ModReq> [Creative] #834 by btree - griefing please help 
<@Skuld> brb helping btree to grief

* Eustis|AFK (~********@********) has joined #RedditMC
<trevorman> eustissssssssssssssss
<trevorman> (BOOM)
* Eustis has quit (Ping timeout)
<MBoffin> trevorman, you killed Eustis

<Lunchington> definatly my kind of place :D 
<kingn-phone> damn it stop saying nat
<kingn-phone> my fukken phone vibrates :ap
<Skuld> nat nat nat you like that don't you
<Deaygo|herpderp> kingn-phone: Problem? *troll face*
<trevorman> nat <3 the vibration
<kingn-phone> ...
<kingn-phone> I'm going to go Oprah on you
<kingn-phone> you get a ban, and you get a ban
<kingn-phone> ;)

<trevorman> bleh. don't think i've bought the correct amount of chocolate for gift purposes
<Skuld> It's ok, I'll still fuck you

<forty_two> Notch should introduce insects on his next bugfix update, simply for the irony.

<Ooer> the rule "mods can mess with dicks" was my driving force to become a mod, I was very upset when it meant messing with users :(

<trevorman> !setinfo <Ooer> that's not even a good penis
<MBoffin> Now Ooer is in two people's setinfo talking about dicks.
<Ooer>	!setinfo <MBoffin> Now Ooer is in two people's setinfo talking about dicks
<Ooer>	meta

<Ooer>	I SUCK COCKS
<Ooer>	:D
<Skuld> that is how we pick new mods, yes
<Ooer>	ffs
<Ooer>	disregard that, I do not suck cocks
<EeeKitties> !setinfo <Ooer> I SUCK COCKS <Skuld> that is how we pick new mods, yes
<Ooer>	that is now three set infos about me and dicks
<Skuld> !setinfo <Ooer> that is now three set infos about me and dicks

<Lunchington> i love to ctrl+f my wifes boobs

<Skuld> fuck da police
<Yetanotherx> In soviet russia, police fuck you!
<Yetanotherx> Wait no, that's in america
<Yetanotherx> It doesn't matter where you are.
<Yetanotherx> The police fuck you everywhere.

<forty_two> Skuld: Use !8 to determine who deserves the ops :P
<trevorman> !8 stormsurge
<ChanServ> trevorman: Are you mad?!

<Ooer> wait guys, I can solve this once and for all
<Deaygo> indeed XD
<Ooer> !8 Is Ooer a furry?
<ChanServ> Ooer: Meow, I'm a cat!
<Ooer> fuck

Squatly muses upon the origins of Deaygo's name (from somewhere beyond the Ballmer peak)

<squatly|mobster> Dogo!
<Deaygo> sup bish?
<squatly|mobster> U r frm ice age
<squatly|mobster> Looooool
<squatly|mobster> U r best character
<squatly|mobster> Dat lion

<rainshadow> for the record i would not cum in my own mouth but i would suck my own dick

<squatly> they can destroy england
<squatly> but if they destroy the dildo factory
<squatly> there will be hell to pay

Sirmalloc contemplates on the ever growing complexity of server rules:

<sirmalloc> man we got a lot of rules now
<sirmalloc> lets just edit it down to "don't be a dick (as determined by a mod)" and see what happens
<sirmalloc> then we just ban everyone with the reason "being a dick".  streamlined.
<sirmalloc> ban appeals would go something like "i was a dick", with a mod responding "don't be a dick.  unbanned."

<pilot> dammit skuld
<Skuld> what
<pilot> you're a master of short and sweet
<Tolgar> skuld is a sugar midget?
<Deaygo|herpderp> Tolgar: hahaha
<Skuld> I'm your sugar midget

4.5 months later, Joe_ finds out that he is a moderator [2]:

<Skuld> Joe_, did you ever do anything after you got added as a minecraft moderator? :P
<Joe_> wat
<Joe_> i was never a mod
<Skuld> yeah you got modded like 6 months ago
<Joe_> what
<Ooer> lol
<Ooer> nerd.nu is awesome
<Joe_> seriously?
<Joe_> no one told me

<Skuld> When I mention the name Scythe, what emotions do you feel?
<Skuld> quick survey
<Deaygo> fuck off
<luke_gardner> Scythe? IRC, trolling, too much talking
<Tolgar> skuld, it makes me want to hit things with bricks

<c45y|work\> !k ambi
<c45y|work\> !k ambi
<c45y|work\> !k ambi
<c45y|work\> !k ambi
<c45y|work\> !k ambi
* SpamServ sets ban on *!*@c45y.staff.reddit-minecraft
* SpamServ has kicked c45y|work\ from #RedditMC (Repeating yourself too often is against the channel rules.)

< Skuld> -delbadword marf
-!- Skuld was kicked from #RedditMC by SpamServ [Badword "*marf*" has been found in channel message.]

< EeeKitties> EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OMG OMG OMG I HAS CAT AHAHAHAHAHA ITS SAT NEXT TO ME AHAHAHA EEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MINE MINE MINE MINE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. CAT.

<Bestor> wwww
<Bestor> oops
<Bestor> no wonder I wasnt moving =P

<BanAppealBob> jaydenbadboii: You have a new appeal from JaydenBadBoii: http://nerd.nu/forum/index.php?p=/discussion/8279/jaydenbadboii-jaydenbadboii
<Skuld> .lookup http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?mode=Article&newsitemID=166435
<Skuld> er..
<Skuld> .lookup JaydenBadBoii
<barneygale> fucking well done Skuld, you broke the bot
<barneygale> .lookup Mr_Fuman
<Skuld> winner!
<Skuld> .addban Skuld griefing the bot
<Skuld> oh, wait

Tech's working hard

      @Deaygo | ......
        @c45y | .....
 @Yetanotherx | ....
      @Deaygo | ...
        @c45y | ..
      @Deaygo | .
 @Yetanotherx | ..
        @c45y | ...
      @Deaygo | ....
 @Yetanotherx | .....
      @Deaygo | ......
        @c45y | .......

<Deaygo> !k nytwatlanders2121 
* ChanServ has kicked nytwatlanders2121 from #RedditMC ((Deaygo) Bye.)
* SpamServ has kicked Deaygo from #RedditMC (Badword "*twat*" has been found in channel message.)

IRC meets with real life:

<RoboticOvermobile> O.o I feel weird sitting in here talking to you on irc
<LadyRavenOwl> Cause you're talking to JudgeDread too
<LadyRavenOwl> ?
<RoboticOvermobile> No, cause your like 2 feet away.

<dRaGGin_loW-Laptop> thank u for teaching me the air plane stuff
<pilot> <3
<dRaGGin_loW-Laptop> helped make this night :D
<Deaygo> Lord_Munkee: <3
* Lord_Munkee faps
<Deaygo> dRaGGin_loW-Laptop: teaching you the airplane stuff? you mean how to fly?
<dRaGGin_loW-Laptop> no info on it
<Lord_Munkee> like a PILOT
<dRaGGin_loW-Laptop> like being able to track flights and all
<dRaGGin_loW-Laptop> see where they land
<dRaGGin_loW-Laptop> ect
<pilot> :D
<dRaGGin_loW-Laptop> helped make tonight awesoommeee
<dRaGGin_loW-Laptop> so thanks pilot :D
<Deaygo> dRaGGin_loW-Laptop: discussion topics? lol
<pilot> dRaGGin_loW-Laptop, weekend, rockband
<pilot> dRaGGin_loW-Laptop, i didn't realize you were on a date
<pilot> i guess you could say I was your
<pilot> *sunglasses*
<pilot> .."wingman"
<Deaygo> YEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

<Deaygo> woop.  I now have a C# class to create Random seed from keyboard and mouse input :D
<Ooer> Deaygo, just browse pornhub. Easy credit

forty_two manages to not only delete all IRC bans, but also mess up while putting them all back

<mIEzt> gsand: yes we are both abrasive dildos
...
<Amaranth> Well, we both have abrasive dildos anyway

<Ludeman> .alts alts baby
<ModReq> Ludeman, you do not have permission to use that command.
<Ludeman> bugger off

      chumazing | wot
alexandrathepap+| wot
      chumazing | wot
alexandrathepap+| wot
      chumazing | wot
alexandrathepap+| wot
      Warmobile | wot
             -- | Mode #RedditMC [+b *!*@c-75-64-20-207.hsd1.tn.comcast.net] by SpamServ
            <-- | SpamServ has kicked alexandrathepaperwriter (Flooding the channel with messages is against the channel rules.)
             -- | Mode #RedditMC [+b *!*@chumazing.staff.reddit-minecraft] by SpamServ
            <-- | SpamServ has kicked chumazing (Flooding the channel with messages is against the channel rules.)
             -- | Mode #RedditMC [+b *!*@46-64-53-21.zone15.bethere.co.uk] by SpamServ
            <-- | SpamServ has kicked Warmobile (Flooding the channel with messages is against the channel rules.)
      muldoonaz | god that was amazing

Team Britain conspires to trick Lude in childish ways

<Lude>	there's a woman on this game show from the UK whose name is Oonagh
<AlcoJew>	that's a really common name here
<AlcoJew>	well, fairly common
<Lude>	for real?
<AlcoJew>	yeah
<Lude>	interesting
<Lude>	I've never heard anything even resembling that name before
<Lude>	closest is one of our P admins :P
<Ooer>	there was only like one in my school
<Ooer>	I wouldn't say common
<Ooer>	about as common as 'kenneth' or something
<Ooer>	iono
<trevor>	had one at uni
<Lude>	I've heard of lots of kenneths
<barneygale>	oonagh isn't *that* uncommon
<Lude>	it sure as hell is in the US
<barneygale>	really? o.o
<Ooer>	maybe we have all your Oonaghs, and you have all our kenneths
<Lude>	I'd be willing to bet that 95% of Americans wouldn't even recognize that as a person's name
<Ooer>	that is crazy

How the staff decide who to make a mod:

<alan>	this dice is rigged
<Lude|Botmaking>	.d20
<BanAppealBill>	Lude|Botmaking: you have rolled a 4.
<Lude|Botmaking>	:O
<barneygale>	.d20
<BanAppealBill>	barneygale: you have rolled a 10.
<alan>	die
<alan>	.d20
<BanAppealBill>	alan: you have rolled a 19.
<Lude|Botmaking>	there it is
<barneygale>	\o/
<alan>	WHOO!
<barneygale>	how many mods should we add?
<barneygale>	.d20
<BanAppealBill>	barneygale: you have rolled a 11.
<Lude|Botmaking>	welp
<Lude|Botmaking>	better add em all then

Exactly 11 mods were nominated.

[3]

<Lude> we decided having a griefing head admin is bold and edgy

After a nostalgia trip about days past as grocery store bag boys, Zitkovich and Erisian imagine a real life meeting.

<Zitkovich|work>	erisian: If we ever meet in real life, I propose an impromtu middle of the street
bagging showdown
<JohnAdams1735>	I would watch that
<erisian>	hahah ok
<erisian>	I'm sloooooow now
<erisian>	can't pop the bags any more
<erisian>	I suck
<Zitkovich|work>	We wander through the crowd outside a con, occasionally greeting people we know,
reading nametags until we both feel a strange tingle, an undescribable voice whispering in our ear, 
we both happen to glance about, searching for something we don't know we've lost. Our eyes meet, we've 
never spoken to each other but we both instinctively know, "It's him" The crowd parts and silence falls,
we... are both handed aprons and grocery counters roll into place in front of each of us from somewhere 
in the crowd. With ninja quick moves we don our aprons, deftly tying the knots and stepping to our 
respective checkstands. The stillness is thick with tension... a bead of sweat rolls down my face and
your fingers twitch slightly. An almost imperceptible squeaking heralds the arrival of two shopping carts
as they roll into place next to us. A brief moment of silence... "BEEP!" A scanner beep rings through
the air and with the sudden fury of a striking cobra we begin to bag. Wet food to plastic, light stuff 
over heavy, years of training flow through us like the amazing power of water through the powerhouse of a
dam. As we near the bottom of our respective carts, each of us knows that the other is good, perhaps as 
good as he, but not allowing himself to visit that impossibility upon himself in his time of challenge. A 
can, a loaf, and finally a bag of chips fly into the bag as almost simultaneously we slam our hands on 
the counter in triumph! A tie, impossible! We knew we were the best, but that another be as good? We 
slowly approach each other and -after a moment's hesitation- grasp each others hand in a crushing 
handshake, both in a show of mutual respect and final show of sueriority. As we part we face our crowd,
our adoring public. A single elderly lady claps, the square empty, the nearest panel had started two
minutes ago. Shit, we are both missing the firefly panel!
<c45y>	wat

* Lude charges up a ping
<Lude> cmchappell, dan1son, Denevien, luke_gardner, slide, Tharine, thrawn21, wickedcoolsteve: suppose we launched S and P on saturday - what times would work best for you?
* LadyCailin charges a pong deflector
<LadyCailin> hey, it worked, I didn't get pinged!

<gsand> sup guize
<mrdelayer_> ohaider
<gsand> so, I herd there was drama
<gsand> what is the deal with that?
<mrdelayer_> idk there's always drama
<gsand> except when there isnt drama.
<mrdelayer_> which is never
<gsand> touché

<Deaygo> jchance: I can't hate ALL people who dislike cats.  Met a very cute lady who is allergic to cats.
<Deaygo> very valid reason for not liking cats.
<jchance> Yeah sure.  Next she'll say she's allergic to blow jobs.  It's a slippery slope

<jcll> .addnote JohnAdams1735 Is best pony
<ModReq> Add note successfully to JohnAdams1735
<JohnAdams1735> Thaaaaat's right
<JohnAdams1735> errr, no
<JohnAdams1735> No
<JohnAdams1735> NO
<jcll> #nomad
<JohnAdams1735> Yes mad
<jcll> #nomadpls
<jcll> #nofear
<JohnAdams1735> #notrolls
<Cyotie911bot> #noCyotie911
<JohnAdams1735> :(
<jcll> JohnAdams1735, FIne I'll keep my rolls then
<Cyotie911bot> that should pretty much sum up everything that's bad
<JohnAdams1735> NOTROLLS
<jcll> JohnAdams1735, Why do you not like rolls that much? Bad bun in the past?

Slide works on explaining technical issues to the masses:

<iridium247> Any other info you can provide on the situation?
<slide> shits broke yo

Griefer wisdom

• Reddit is basically the soviet union right now... it is a police state in every form, down to the last word in a chat. This is not what notch intended for Minecraft, Minecraft is supposed to be a freeform, freestyle environment. Shame on Reddit for ruining the true meaning of the game. Minecraft isn't even supposed to have rules in the first place anyway, that's why people like it so much. if the redditors want to have a safe, controlled environment, they can go back to WoW. -Some guy on YouTube
• terlmann's revenge plans http://pastebin.com/SGvvkGfM - plotting in #minecraft on Esper (a channel with 600 people in) after getting banned from IRC.
• If it doesn't work, JUST KEEP TRYING
• This guy seems nice and pleasant.
• Word around the office...

Economics of mumble clan

• Think of your base as a farm and mumble base members are the crops, every now and then you can go and harvest your crops, by being closer to them you don't have to walk as far to store whatever they drop. - Sephlol

Best bugs

• In the 1.5 update on Creative, a bug was discovered in WorldGuard (the plugin that prevents people from placing banned items). When a non-mod placed a block at y=128, the highest level on the map, the plugin would think that they're placing bedrock. A few people were banned for placing banned items before this bug was discovered.
• During 1.4 WorldGuard thought that placing a torch on snow was a placement of bedrock. Confusion on survival and PvE ensued.
• Four_Down was very temporarily given op accidentally.

Mumble

---

---

---

Mumble Quotes

"That's right, I am one eloquent motherfucker." -Uttered by Pilot3033

[02:49:00] (Channel) golf1052: the people from work asked how big my dick was
[02:49:09] (Channel) golf1052: is that normal?
[02:50:01] (Channel) golf1052: no they asked how big it is
[02:50:14] (Channel) golf1052: but i told them ಠ_ಠ

The Ballad of ghosty123456

On a dark and stormy day (well, in Australia) - Thursday June 28, 2012. A convening was held as to the moderation of one ghosty123456. After the initial "Apply for Moderator" gag page, tacodude3 and Nullsquare pushed onwards...

Tacodude3: "You need to submit 25 modreqs asking for moderator."

Nullsquare: "Now, we'll need to elevate this to a head admin."

After this, JohnAdams1735 got involved. Unfortunately, we have no audio logs. However between telling her "you're a girl, shut up" and "you're 12, shut up", we pushed forth!

Very quickly, other staff got caught up in the foray and joined the Mumble channel in order to listen to the gospel that was ghosty123456's love for the server since April 2011 (conveniently around the same time tacodude3 said he'd joined), and (after he learned that she was a head admin) JohnAdams1735, and Verros.

Our own alansmithee331 eventually got caught up in this, and became our main line of contact between team ghosty and team NerdStaff. Alan made sure that ghosty123456 was ready, so he told him to eat not only his fruits, but also his veggy. ghosty123456 replied that it shant be a problem, for he LOVED GRAPES, and couldn't get enough. tacodude3 then made sure ghosty123456 was real, by enquiring the IP of the server, which ghosty123456 replied to with great zeal:

"It's uh...hmm.....something .nu?"

After making sure his paperwork was completely in order (he'd visited the applyformod page, he had a favourite fruit and vegetable, and he would defend the server with his life), the staff took to IRC to discuss further. The contents of this conversation were so private they're deemed nonexistent.

Unfortunately alansmithee331 brutally cut into the fun because he was hungry and tired, shattering ghosty123456's heart into a million pieces leaving his devout followers to pick up the shrapnel.

- Written by Nullsquare and tacodude3 - to be continued

Fortunately, Morkrash later found that he had recorded an excerpt of the pre-conversation: [4]

Outage Emails

> Subject: games
> hi can you please donate some game accounts to me so i can help raise money for adopting a 
> baby go to donate-accounts.doomby.com oh and please tell ALL of your server to do this to please 

>> RE: games
>> Hi, can you please donate some money in return to us so we can keep the servers running. if you can go 
>> to nerd.nu/donate and give us what you can, please tell ALL of your friends to do this.

>>> RE:RE: games
>>> sorry but im only 9 and my mom wont let me me donatie money to mc people i would donate like 30 dollars if i could

 "I think Creative is down because whenever I try to connect it says Xraying minor griefing."

I tried to log onto the PWE server today, but I received an error message saying, "disconnected by server - outdated server". How can I rectify this problem?
- Reply: Don't use a client prerelease. We only run the official release version of the server.

Mod Aboose

• Admin coup

Here are some links to various imgur and subreddit posts

• 
• 

Abusing mods

• Bestof/AFK Mods

• 

WorldEdit disasters

Giving admins and mods literally godlike powers can have amusing consequences when their attention inevitably wanders while inputting commands.

• golf1052 unprotected a main road while trying to remove some blocks on the path. It was a diamond road. It took a couple minutes to re-protect the road. A couple hours to find where all the diamond blocks were taken off to.
• Skuld replaced all the bedrock in a 300x300 or so area in Dome 3 with iron doors, rather than redstone ore. Iron doors and other similar interactive entities have extra data associated with them, unlike normal blocks. This caused a huge amount of lag, and crashed the client of anyone in the area of the affected chunks after a few seconds. The problem was fixed after much panic, by selecting several small areas starting outside the affected chunks, and using WorldEdit replace to remove the doors.
• AlLnAtuRalX managed to lose 70%+ of a survival map, and had no backups. Also, cactus penis.
• fazaden accidently replaced an 64-height outer wall of the party map with saplings. After 30 mins or so of lag and crashed clients, they all fell to the ground, and all was well.
• lpoql sliced the top half of the creative map around spawn. Manual rebuilding fixed most of the damage. Arcade machine ensues.
• Pilot //fixlava 400 = lava ocean on Creative
• c45y 36200 blocks of stone removed from the survival server when he forgot to add a block type to /removenear
• roastnewt //fixwater large number = flooded every mine on survival's white road
• ZhenWan //fixlava 1000 = creative server's Mt. Vesuvius: Image Gallery
• Squatly Deleted half of the whole Creative server once upon a time...
• Zitkovich deleted all the stone from an area instead of protecting it. It is known as Falling lava.

• Falling lava
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

• Yetanotherx replaced the Stumble Pyramid with mob spawners, right at the base of spawn. The entire chunk was laggy for a few hours.
• 00:40:25 [INFO] WorldEdit: Elementridr: removenear cake 10000
• WaterSlide //set 1 after making a selection with a stray point.
• Schererererer likes dirt.
• papadopolis ran //regen without making a selection, causing the entire work-in-progress donation drive map to be completely regenerated less than 24 hours before the event was due to start.
• kitcatbar forgot a radius on //butcher, causing the Great P Animal Genocide of 2014.

Hacker Threats

Fairly often, we get threats from badasses because we won't op them. Here are some of the more memorable threats (of which precisely 0 came to fruition).

• Don't hack me bro
•